The Conversations We Have Before Every Deployment

Hey friend! 🩷

There's a stretch of days before he leaves where the to-do list takes over. Paperwork, packing, logistics. But some of the most important prep isn't on any checklist. It's the conversations.

Here's what we actually talked about before this deployment, and why I think every couple needs to have these talks, even when they're hard.

How we'll communicate

This one used to be simple. In the past, he'd walk in already knowing what to expect, so we could plan around it. This time was different. We genuinely didn't know how communication would work going in.

Turns out, we got lucky. Technology has come a long way, and we've been able to talk once a day. It's been one of the best parts of this deployment, honestly. But I want to be real with you: you won't always know what you're walking into until you're in it. Go in with a plan, but hold it loosely, and be ready to adjust once you know what's actually possible.

How we'll talk to the kids, and it's not one conversation

Our family isn't just one age group, so this wasn't a single talk. We have our two little girls, 5 and 2, and we also have his two teenagers from his previous marriage. Those are two completely different conversations.

With our littles, it's simple and repeated. We talk through it in small, age-appropriate pieces, and we keep having the conversation, not just once before he leaves.

With the teens, it's a different kind of honesty. They're old enough to actually understand what deployment means, to have real questions, and to carry real worry, sometimes quietly. That talk looked less like reassurance and more like an open, honest conversation where they got to ask what they wanted to ask.

If your family spans different ages or blended dynamics like ours does, know that "the kid talk" isn't really one conversation. It's several, and each one deserves its own approach.

The conversation nobody wants to have

This is the big one. We talked about what happens if he doesn't come back.

He walked me through it plainly: if something happened, someone would show up at my door. We talked about what he'd want, his wishes, what mattered to him. It is, without a doubt, the hardest conversation we have before every single deployment. I won't pretend it's easy. It's not. But I'd rather know than guess, and I'd rather have his voice in my head telling me what he wanted than have to figure it out alone in the worst moment of my life.

If you're dreading this talk, that's normal. Have it anyway.

The conversation that surprised me

Not every pre-deployment talk has to be heavy. This time, we also talked about goals. What did we each want to accomplish while he was gone?

He was so encouraging about me working toward something for myself. And he didn't just cheer me on, he set his own goals too. It became less about "surviving" the deployment and more about both of us growing through it, separately but still as a team. That conversation ended up being one of my favorites.

If you're about to have these talks

Some of these conversations will be easy. Some will wreck you a little. Have them anyway. I promise it's better to walk into a deployment with these things said out loud than to carry the unknown the whole time.

If you want a starting point for these conversations, plus the paperwork side of things, that's exactly what I built my Deployment Prep Kit for. More on that soon.

Tell me in the comments: which of these conversations is hardest for you and your spouse?

XO,
Steph